On my path of becoming my best self (a work in progress), I find that the times when I can recognize that an event or comment has triggered me with an emotional reaction that does not match the energy level of the event or comment are the best opportunities to go within and heal something about my self. Of course I don’t always recognize it in the moment, however when I do see that something is awry, I know I need to make time to process what is going on in my inner world.
Making the time to do this inner work is crucial in personal development. If I let these opportunities pass I leave myself vulnerable to more emotional upsets in the future which might cause me to say or do something that may hurt someone else. I would prefer to not act irresponsibly and mindless like that, and that’s why I choose to use the following inquiry.
In order to do this kind of work, you will have to develop a keen awareness of your self, and that can be developed through consistently spending quiet time by yourself. Whether it’s in meditation, yoga, running, etc. you need to get comfortable with your inner world and start to understand the nature of your mind and its connection with your body.
For those of you that have cultivated that type of awareness then you can begin the inner journey.
First I identify what the inciting comment or description of the event was that caused internal dissonance, and then I look for my internal response to that comment or description. That is the focal point of the investigation. There is nothing inherently wrong with the comment from the other person or the event itself. Those simply trigger the belief within my self that is in question.
Once I find my response I ask, “Why do I believe this? Where does this belief come from?”
After the question is asked, I let go and observe the thoughts that come up. This step can be done in silent contemplation or thought-flow journaling (similar to the Morning Pages). The key is to not consciously try to think of the answer. This step is the beginning of a conversation with your unconscious mind, and it takes time for it to speak up. You must give it an ample amount of time especially if you are still upset when you start this process. Consciously thinking will slow or block the process from moving forward.
The belief might have come from something you read or a comment from a friend or family member. It might have entered into your consciousness from a television ad or from a movie. Be open to whatever comes up during this contemplative observation period.
When I get a good idea from where it stems, then I move on to the next question.
“Does this belief inspire me?”
If I feel strongly in holding onto that belief and projecting it into the world, then I accept and adopt that thought as a part of me. I understand that there may be times in the future that others may challenge this thought/belief, and my ownership of it will diminish any emotional charge associated with it and allow my self to enter into conversations about it. The inquiry is finished.
However…
If I am not inspired by that belief (which is the majority of the time), then there is a follow-up question.
“Can I let go of this belief?”
When I reach this step, I know there will be pushback from my shadow self because this belief has been ingrained as a part of my identity and the shadow self is not a fan of change. The shadow will push for a “NO” answer, however my higher self is in the “YES” category.
A simple yes answer will not magically change my life because without any action attached to it the belief will reattach itself to me. Follow up questions can sometimes help me move forward.
“Am I ready to let go of this belief?”
“What support do I need to let it go?”
“What belief do I replace this with?”
Once I identify/create a belief to replace the old one with and it really resonates with me, then it is time to create an action plan to support me in embodying this belief.
To help explain this process and understand how to apply it, allow me to give you the most recent example I’ve dealt with.
I have been wanting to update the landscaping in my yards since I moved into my house, and my wife commented one day that she’s heard me talk about it for years and that I haven’t done anything yet. I was SO upset at her comment that I had to leave the room and could not talk with her for a day and a half. Her comment was totally valid, but my reaction was over the top. I knew I had to look deeper at what was going on with me.
Upon reflection I found a memory from a time when I was young that my parents received an anonymous letter from a neighbor complaining about the mess in our backyard and how unsightly it was. From that point on, I attached to a belief that “my yard is a mess,” and even though my conscious mind wanted to clean up the yards in my current house, my shadow self was using that belief to drag my feet and prevent me from doing anything that deviated from it.
Once I became aware of this and knew I wanted to change, I had to put a system in place to slowly make changes to rewrite my personal story and create a new belief about my self. I chose to spend at least 10 minutes a day planning, researching, and working on my backyard to make progress and I am committing to completing this task this year starting with the backyard and finishing with the front.
From time to time I still have to overcome fears and reasons to stop or slow down the process that my shadow makes up. I’m not saying it is an easy process, but it’s totally worth it. I get the chance to define who I am and what I am capable of, not an anonymous neighbor that directing to my parents when I was young.
This is a part of the “Inner Child” work that is in my Reiki 2 Curriculum. If you’re interested in moving forward with your Reiki training I have a Reiki 2 Class coming up at the end of the month. Reach out for more information.
Comment below if you have done any of this inner work and share any successes that you have achieved.